The Box

Saint Paul, Minnesota Chapter

"We Need Not Walk Alone"

The Box

Someone else packed the box away
some time ago
it's actually been 3 years or so
I never looked in
never wanted to see
all of the precious things taken from me

The sweet little shoes
never worn on his feet
The fuzzy brown bear
that played Mommy's heartbeat

The bottles never filled with milk
The blue hooded bath towel
tiny washcloths, sleepers, socks
All lay unseen till now.

The diapers and his Mickey mobile
the teeny tiny shirts
all reminders of my baby boy
and just how much this hurts.

I haven't shed these tears
for quite a long time now
but peeking in that baby box
has made me wonder how

how I never got to hold him
or dress him in those clothes
just how very much I miss him
no one else will ever know.

Yes they packed away the boxes
trying to spare me from the pain
and even though 3 years have passed
it all comes back again

You can't pack away those feelings
tuck them underneath a lid*
One day they bubble to the surface
A broken heart cannot be hid.

Oh Tanner, my sweet baby boy
I want you were here with me
I am blessed to have 2 sons, I know
But how I wish I still had three.

I guess it never goes away
the longing for all that should be
I send you my love up in heaven above
Always & forever,
I am Tanner's Mommy.

~Tammy Tobac
TCF Pittsburgh, PA

For More information about the Compassionate Friends, visit the national Web site at: www.thecompassionatefriends.org

Send mail to webmaster@tcfstpaul.org with questions or comments about the Saint Paul Chapter web site.