Holiday Help!

(Some suggestions to help get through the Holidays)

1) Change traditions. Have holiday celebrations at a different place this year. Do something different from what you have done before. The more you try to make it the same as it was before, the more obvious your loved one’s absence will be.

2) Go away if you feel you will be devastated by staying home. But remember that November and December holidays are celebrated the world over. You can’t fully escape. You may do better by facing your pain and being near the people who love you.

3) Balance solitude with sociability. Solitude can renew strength. Being with people you care about is equally important. Plan to attend some holiday parties, musicals, or plays. You may surprise yourself by enjoying them.

4) Relive the happy memories. Pick three special memories of holidays past with your loved one. Think of them often, especially if grief spasms seem to pop up at an inappropriate time.

5) Set aside “letting go” time. Mark on your calendar days or hours during the holiday season when you can be alone and grieve. You can more easily postpone your flow of grief in public if you have granted yourself these special times.

6) Counter the conspiracy of silence. Because family and friends love you, they will think they are doing you a favor by not mentioning your loved one. Openly state that it is important for you to talk about your loved one during the holiday season when he/she is so much on your mind

7) Try not to “awful-ize.” It is tempting to conclude that life is “awful” during the holidays. Yes, you will have some difficult times, but you can also experience some joy. Experiencing joy in giving and receiving does not mean that you have forgotten your loved one or that you loved him or her any less.

8) Find a creative outlet. Write a memorial poem or story about your loved one and share it. Contribute to a group your loved one would have supported. Use the money you would have spent for a gift for your loved one to by something for someone he or she cared about.

For More information about the Compassionate Friends, visit the national Web site at: www.thecompassionatefriends.org

Send mail to webmaster@tcfstpaul.org with questions or comments about the Saint Paul Chapter web site.