Grief and the Single Parent

The death of a child is an unanticipated, shocking, devastating event in any family.  In the single parent home, the death of a child or children can be more difficult than in the two-parent home.  Families have a difficult enough time coping with this life passage without the added burden of making arrangements and paying for expenses.

When adults have gone through a life crisis like divorce, the stress of dealing with the necessary arrangements presents another barrier on the long road of restructuring the single's life.  We may be on speaking terms with the ex-spouse and that is helpful to a point.  Those who are not on speaking terms are faced with even greater stress.

The emotional ties that at one time connected us to this lost child are no longer present, yet to many it points to the hurt of the past.  Survivors search for something or someone to blame.  Widows or widowers are confronted with compounded grief.  Unfortunately, most of us do not get through life with only one crisis.  Dealing with the past rekindles the hurts of the past.

As parents, we would be well advised by the legal system and counselors to make an effort to be amicable and/or courteous to the ex-spouse; papers must be signed.

Grandparents, siblings, relatives and friends are also in grief.  We must deal with them all.  Who can our remaining children turn to if not to us for guidance through these crises?

If you have a companion who has suffered this loss, be patient.  If you are the parent who has lost a child, ask your companion to be patient with you.  The grief process is longer than we knew it would be.  To the non-bereaved parent, the grief process is longer than you can know.

This life passage is not something we want for any of you.  The death of a marriage is not comparable to the death of a child.  Often the widow or widower or the divorced person may remarry.  The loss of a child is not a void which can be filled.  There are entirely different emotions to be dealt with.  Many of us survive but will forever have emotional scars.  Stand by us and we will be forever grateful.

~Jacque S. (TCF — St. Louis, MO)