Turkey Story

Saint Paul, Minnesota Chapter

"We Need Not Walk Alone"

"My Turkey Story"

Thanksgiving is hard for me. Maybe because while others were surrounding a happy table with family, my husband and I spent Thanksgiving on the 4^th floor of a hospital, eating our $2.25 cafeteria meal, discussing when we could take our son off life support. The holidays would never be the same again. A part of me died when my son Austin died. After working so hard to bring him into this world, while others got pregnant with a sneeze, we went through infertility treatments. We conceived Austin and at 28 weeks (2 weeks before my Baby Shower) we learned Austin had serious problems that he would die from either before or after delivery. I carried Austin for the next 6 weeks not knowing when he would die. Like a champ, Austin fought and Came almost full term and we were blessed with weeks of singing, holding and loving him. He was buried next to his brother we miscarried a year earlier.

Like the holidays, moving into a new neighborhood after the death of a child is also difficult. One important person is missing yet another family chapter. I was trying to avoid the new pregnant neighbor when her husband caught me on the lawn. (Seeing pregnant bellies is a painful sight when your own body fails you.) Being the "nice Minnesotan" I planned to make a quick get away as he noticed another neighbor with a stroller coming. They started talking about how she had to see the lady next door since she is delivering tomorrow. So he turns to me laughing, "If you haven't noticed there are a lot of pregnant women on our block. My wife, the lady next to us, her neighbor and the lady next to her, Funny huh? I said, "Yes, isn't that funny?" (Smiling, gritting my teeth). I save, "See YA later" and made a quick escape with tears in my eyes. Why no me? Why not Austin? Salt to the wound and I was heartbroken. A few minutes and tissues later, people were walking by our house and I noticed them gawking. I came outside to look and couldn't believe my eyes. Two very large turkeys were on our roof! Real live turkeys! I've never seen turkeys before so I snapped a photo and smiled. Austin was born around Thanksgiving and I laughed calling him my big Turkey when his heat lamp buzzer went off. Do I think my 2 boys were trying to tell me something? You bet I do. Maybe they were trying to make me laugh by sending those 2 fat ugly birds on my roof. We talk in group how very few truly understand the deep sadness we feel. I know my 2 boys knew at that moment how painful it was for me to be surrounded by everyone that has what I lost, and I think this was their way of holding my hand and saying "I know." Giving thanks on Thanksgiving is hard to do as bereaved parents. It will never be the same but I will always be grateful for my boys and those two fat birds.

--Lori Kale TCF, ST PAUL MN

In loving memory of Austin James Kale

For More information about the Compassionate Friends, visit the national Web site at: www.thecompassionatefriends.org

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